Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
