Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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