Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
