He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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