For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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