my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
