I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
