Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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