I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
