he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
