I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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