she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
