i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
