How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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