haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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