I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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