Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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