i permit you to call me
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
