i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
