I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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