Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
