Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Randomize