i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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