I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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