I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
