I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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