dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Randomize
