Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
