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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
