know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
