did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
