Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
literally had 100 drinks last night.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
