ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
