I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
