Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
