Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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