He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
