it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
