What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
