guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
