"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
And then he peed in my hair
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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