It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
