I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Randomize
