When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
