Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
