if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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