Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
