Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
