I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
