Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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