So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
