remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i will never coherently bang her
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
