HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
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