I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize