First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
