im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Randomize
