i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
