Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
