I hate your face
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
