I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
