i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
We are two peas in an std pod
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Randomize
