he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I'm too high and old for this...
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