Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
