it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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