Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
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