I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
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