I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
