Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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