would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
