just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
