i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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