I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I checked into jail on foursquare
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
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