bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
