I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
