i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Randomize
