Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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